Twas the life before Pinterest, when all through the house
Not a device was stirring, not even my mouse.
My blog posts were sent over the interweb with care
In hopes that new subscribers soon would be there.
Yahoo and Google were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of fake news stories danced in their heads.
I in my sweatpants, and Mac on my lap
Had just settled down for a long virtual nap.
When out in cyberspace there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my sofa to see what was the matter.
No longer using windows, my Mac OS flashed
I pulled up the display, all my hopes dashed.
El Capitan on the breast of a new-system upgrade
My computer is crashing, I think I’ve been played.
When, what to my unblinking eyes should appear,
But a miniature iPad and eight unwieldy social media platforms.
I know that doesn’t rhyme. Whatever. I need a beer.
With networking technology, so lively and quick
I knew in a moment, I’d have to be slick.
More rapid than eagles Lynda’s courses they came
I staggered through each one calling her bad names.
Now Facebook, now LinkedIn, Now Instagram, Now Tumblr
On Twitter, on Reddit, on YouTube, on Flickr
To the top of my timeline, to the top of my wall
Now retweet me, tag me, like me, share away all!
And now, still I’m blinking, bleary of mind
The virtual gnawing and clawing is driving me blind.
My head in my hands, technology spinning around
Down from cyberspace Pinterest came with a bound.
It was dressed all in pins, from DIY furniture to growing food
And handbags made of old rags stitched together or hot glued.
A bundle toys I can design with my mac
I look like a peddler pushing a hack.
I was once unruffled and orderly, a right jolly old self
Now I feel like a used-up, washed-up, strung-out elf.
A twitch of my eye and a twist in my brain
Social media makes me wonder if I’m going insane.
I speak not a word, and go straight to my work
Filling my days trying not to be a jerk.
Laying my finger aside of my nose
I question the point of this gesture. I mean, who does that?
Anyway, I spring to the kitchen when I hear the teapot whistle
Then fly back to social media like a ballistic missile.
I hear myself exclaim (I talk to myself. A LOT. Especially now.), “Outtasight!”
Happy Pinterest to all, my content is trending tonight!
This post is dedicated to Clement Clarke Moore and Social Media. And Santa.
Oh one more thing. If you like what you see here, how about subscribing?
Clement and I thank you.